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Lesson Learned the Hard Way

Lesson Learned the Hard Way

by | Jan 28, 2021 |

“I thought we were doing everything right,” James told me. “Now I’m afraid I won’t be able to get another job because of the current cancel culture.”

“Cancel culture” is a pop-culture term that basically means canceling people out – ostracizing or withdrawing support of people or companies that have done something deemed offensive.  James, who is white, had been removed as general manager of a non-profit after “allegedly perpetuating a legacy of structural racism.”

Employees of color had gone to the Board of Directors with a list of racist incidents saying that James had done nothing to create the kind of inclusive environment where such incidents couldn’t happen. The employees said he chose to maintain the status quo of “white supremacy” in the system. [“White supremacy” refers to a social system in which white people enjoy structural advantages (privilege) over other ethnic groups, on both a collective and individual level, despite formal legal equality.]

Obviously, James did not see that coming, and he was devastated. By the time he and I met, after six months of soul-searching, he had recovered enough from this personal and professional blow to see that he could bring a much-needed asset to his next organization: cultural intelligence. Within his sphere of influence, he will be able to help his fellow whites see and dismantle systems that marginalize entire groups of people and that stifle retention and promotion of people of color, women and those who are differently-abled.

Here’s what we talked about

Amy: “What was the hardest part of being let go?”

James: “Initially, it was hard not to see myself as all bad. In time, I began to remember that I’d done some good and to see where I could do better. I’m still learning.”

Amy: “Earlier, you said you had thought you were doing everything right before all that happened, why was that?”

James: “We were…

  • Hiring people of color
  • Paying our interns which encouraged people from more diverse backgrounds to apply because they would not need to depend on parents for financial support
  • Diversifying our board
  • Sourcing information from diverse voices
  • Providing diversity training in sexual harassment and understanding race
  • Studying various pro-diversity hiring practices

Amy: “Those are good first steps. What do you think was missing?”

James said he realized that, though the board was becoming diversified and the organization was hiring people of color, they were not promoting those employees into leadership roles. As a result, there was not anyone in the management circle to challenge the dominant cultural perspective about the way they were doing things. For example, they had never considered the use of language that would appeal to diverse candidates in job postings or that would have broader fundraising appeal. That hindered them from hearing employees’ requests for training resources that would enable them to move to the next level.

“Because there was not anyone to challenge the way we were thinking at the top, we didn’t know what we didn’t know,” he told me.

James: “It’s interesting that when you work for a liberal organization, you assume you’re doing the right thing.”

Amy: “How so?”

James: “In our organization, the mission was to educate the public as citizens in a democratic society. Our mission was good, so we assumed we must be doing the right thing. I mean, we were holding people in positions of power accountable so we must be doing the right thing, right? Wrong. What I realize now is we were telling everyone else about the need for diversity and the value of social justice but not having that conversation ourselves. We weren’t looking for or listening to our own employees’ concerns or wishes.”

Where the problem lies

Was James the problem or was it something bigger? Dr. Edward Deming (1900–93), renowned statistician, engineer, author and management consultant argued that 94 percent of problems are caused by the system, not the individual.(1)

James’ individual actions had not come out of a void, there is also a systemic problem. Sixty-six percent of people who take the Intercultural Development Inventory® (IDI)-worldwide are right in the middle of the five stages of Cultural Intelligence, the stage called “Minimization.”(2) If you think about it, that means two-thirds of people worldwide do not think about other people’s different-ness. That means, sometimes inadvertently and sometimes intentionally, they minimize it, which makes people around them feel like they are unimportant and invisible. That’s what happened in James’ workplace.

What he also didn’t know

When I asked him what he would do differently next time, he said he would diversify the management team. What he also did not know is that when you introduce diverse perspectives, it’s essential to help people learn how to communicate across those differences. He didn’t know that research shows, if a homogeneous organization diversifies before the employees and leaders know how to navigate cross-cultural conversations, there is often an increase in defensiveness, stereotyping and stonewalling in organizations.(3) Like the one James’ organization experienced.

When we’re unaware of the structures in play, the organization’s practices and policies default to that dominant cultural value of Minimization. Ignoring different-ness creates an environment in which people tend to focus on what everybody has in common and assume others are “like us.” This may be well-intended but the impact is a dismissiveness of peoples’ unique differences and experiences and a failure to recognize structures that leave both our colleagues and clients feeling invisible.

Amy: Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently so that people feel valued?

James: “I see that I need to encourage others as well as myself to…

  • Get comfortable not knowing, not having all the answers.
  • Be willing to learn.
  • Not be so defensive so that we can say, ‘I don’t know.’
  • Not avoid conflict but instead lean into conversations, even if it makes us uncomfortable.
  • Look inward to reflect on what the organization can do better by its employees.”

What he’ll also come to see is the importance of training people to communicate across culture and communities.

Addressing the system

James is spot on to encourage and model learning and listening. That is the first step a culturally intelligent leader takes. Cultural intelligence is the ability to appreciate another’s perspective and temporarily adapt our words and actions to show genuine respect. When we adapt our words and actions to show genuine respect in our conversations, we can hear and learn how people are impacted by the systems in place.

Systems that elevate one group of people over another, as happened in James’ workplace, reinforce and perpetuate in Minimization. The people in power inadvertently, and sometimes intentionally, lack self-awareness of their structural advantages and of how they are complicit. They do not hear minorities and the anxiety they experience. However, minority people, who are very aware of the system but not typically in a position of power to point out the problem, go-along-to-get-along in order to stay employed or even survive.

After years of being belittled under the system of Minimization, people of color, women and those who are differently-abled may hesitate to speak up for fear of retaliation, social isolation or job loss even when asked by a manager to speak up.  When you are systematically silenced and side-lined, you are devalued and discouraged from collaborating, innovating and producing to your top capacity. Minimization limits individual and organizational growth.

As leaders, if we allow our organizations to default to Minimization and fail to train our employees in cross-cultural communication, then why spend the organization’s time and resources to employ them? How incalculable is the loss of contribution and productivity from an undervalued person – to both the person and the organization?

Check back next month to learn three mechanisms that encourage employee communication across cultural differences and also provide feed-back for leaders so that everyone in the organization feels valued, heard and engaged.  -Amy Narishkin, PhD ©2021

References:

  1. Deming, E. (2012) The System of Profound Knowledge. https://deming.org/demings-system-of-profound-knowledge/#:~:text=The%20System%20Of%20Profound%20Knowledge,theory%20of%20knowledge%20and%20psychology.
  2. Hammer, M. (2016) Intercultural Development Inventory Resource Guide. Olney, MD: IDI, LLC.
  3. Distefano, J. & Maznevski, M. (Oct 2012) “Creating value with diverse teams in global management.” Organizational Dynamics 29(1):45-63: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232470404_Creating_Value_with_Diverse_Teams_in_Global_Management

Do you want to know if your organization is in Minimization? The Intercultural Development Inventory® is a 50-item online questionnaire that measures both individual and organizational stage of development and ability to navigate cross-cultural conversations. To learn your organization’s level of Cultural Intelligence contact  , Dr. Amy Narishkin, a Certified Administrator of the IDI®, who provides the results and does a Debrief, which becomes an ongoing resource to guide individual and corporate development. You can find out more at www.EmpoweringPartners.com

Talking Turkey

Talking Turkey

by | Nov 19, 2020 |

The phrase “talking turkey” usually refers to speaking frankly, discussing hard facts, or getting down to business. “Turkey” by itself has a number of meanings. Of course, it’s known primarily as the big-feathered awkward bird almost 90% of Americans enjoy during their Thanksgiving feast. While taking home a turkey is considered a brag-worthy feat, being called one is not. It’s considered an insult.

Today there’s a lot of “talking turkey,” especially in boardrooms, congressional hearings and in political debates – one more reason why, on Thanksgiving, it is nice to just sit back and eat the turkey.

This year many of us can be thankful for being alive and for the support we have found in one another. But how do you sit back, relax and enjoy talking in especially trying times like these? Our country is pretty divided but does our family dinner or Zoom call have to be?

I’m glad you asked.

One of the ways to get at the answer is to consider our surrounding culture: Is it task-based or relationship-based? In dominant American culture it is so much the former. We can get so caught up in our to-do lists, sometimes it doesn’t even occur to slow down and listen to one another. Yet, as human beings we have a deep need for human connection. When we don’t take the time to connect with ourselves and one another, we can feel isolated and alone, even in a crowded room.

How to connect

To connect with another, people need to “see” the other by accepting their feelings and experience as legitimate, even if that experience is different from their own.

If family or friends bring up a topic that feels hurtful to you, you can slow down, notice your feelings and name them to yourself. Even if they get your ire up, notice how they’ve struck a chord, acknowledge your internal reaction and temporarily hold off from expressing it out loud. Let them finish talking. How you feel is information. So is what they’re saying. While they’re talking, imagine how they feel. When they’re finished, you can name that emotion you sense they feel. You don’t have to agree with their opinion or even completely understand, but you can affirm their feelings about their experience. You could say:

  • “It sounds like you’re mad.”
  • “That must have been tough.”
  • “It’s disappointing when someone doesn’t get it.”

It can also help to learn more about where they are coming from. Many times we do not feel compassion for another person until they have told us more about their experience. With a posture of curiosity, we can gently request more information. We can ask:

  1. “Could you tell me what happened?”
  2. “Would you mind telling me your story?”
  3. “I would like to hear more about your experience if you’re willing to share.”

What I learned

Here is what I recently learned from a client’s employee. I was doing an IDI®* Debrief with a young military veteran who recently retired after completing two tours of duty in Afghanistan. When I heard his background, I thanked him for his service. He didn’t respond; we moved to another topic. Later on in the conversation, I asked if he’d mind telling me more about his experience in the military. As I listened, I could not imagine what it was like to be so far from home, in such a vastly different place, fighting for your life day in and day out for almost a year. The experience had not left him in a good place. After he related his story, he told me he had not spoken much about it until this point. He said he was feeling relieved and thanked me for the work I was doing.

He went on to explain that it hurts when people thank him for his service because he struggles with the fact that there are people in the military whose lives are not compromised (like the cook back at camp who makes lousy scrambled eggs) but people thank them using the exact same words.

I said, “It must be tough; it must feel like your experience is being dismissed.” He nodded.

I told him I was sorry I’d used words that felt dismissive. He said it was ok, but I knew I could do better. I thanked him for teaching me and said, “It sounds like, if I thank someone for their military service, I have an opportunity to learn how those words impact the person. I’ll be able to say, ‘I want to thank you for your service to our country’ while also asking, ‘How do my words impact you?’ Then maybe they’ll feel safe to tell me more about their experience.” He said that would be good.

At our family or work gatherings, we can “talk turkey,” or speak plainly, with one another. We just need to do it in a way that honors the other person’s experience and as well as our own. No one’s experience should be diminished, no one needs to feel invisible. We need to acknowledge this for ourselves, too.

To be heard though, I’ve discovered that I have to be willing to hear the other person out first. When I learn their story and hear about their experience, though I may not agree with their politics or be able to relate to their experience, I can affirm their feelings as legitimate. It may take a few minutes or 15 minutes, but after I hear a person out, they often want to then hear my story. Together, we can then develop a shared understanding, both differentiating and integrating our ideas.

Working together to develop a shared understanding is cultural intelligence in action. Cultural intelligence (CI) is the ability to adjust your behavior to show genuine respect for another within their context. Whether or not you agree or can even imagine what they have gone through, you can affirm their feelings about their experience. CI allows us to stand in solidarity with another, communicating you are not alone. Listening and affirming another’s experience is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other, not just during the holiday season but throughout the year.

So if you find yourself needing to talk turkey at work to boost morale and productivity or at home to resolve a conflict before it ever gets started, follow the recipe above and send me an email on the results. -Amy Narishkin, PhD

Who do you know in your network that would like to learn more about how to be a compassionate leader at home or work? Please share the link with them.

 

How to Hire People on the Spectrum

How to Hire People on the Spectrum

by | Oct 29, 2020 |

A CEO asked me, “What do my employees and I need to know to hire and retain people who are on the spectrum?” He has a manufacturing company with highly technical jobs that require precision, repetition and care.

The CEO’s question gave me the opportunity to investigate and learn more about how to accommodate people who are gifted differently. So I reached out to a friend of mine, Beth Redmond-Jones, who is a mom with an adult daughter with autism. She is also a museum professional who, among many talents, advocates for those with invisible challenges.

Beth told me that, according to estimates from the CDC’s Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring (ADDM) Network, about 1 in 54 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It is reported to occur in all racial, ethnic and socioeconomic groups, though it is 4 times more likely to occur in boys than in girls.(1) Beth said, “Society has focused on children with autism but what is often forgotten is that these children grow up to be adults with autism who continue to need support, especially in a work environment. Even though those with autism think differently, they can be a huge asset to an organization due to their unique skills, capabilities, interests and focused-attention.”

What ASD is

Scientists do not yet know what exactly causes these differences for most people with ASD. According to the CDC, “Autism spectrum disorder is a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges. There is often nothing about how people with ASD look that sets them apart from other people. However, people with ASD may communicate, interact, behave, and learn in ways that are different from most other people. The learning, thinking and problem-solving abilities of people with ASD can range from gifted to severely challenged. Some people with ASD need a lot of help in their daily lives; others need little help and only some guidance.”(1)

What an organization needs to know

According to EEOC, “The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) requires an employer with 15 or more employees to provide reasonable accommodation for individuals with disabilities, unless it would cause undue hardship.”(2) “Reasonable accommodations,” as they relate to three areas of  employment, include:

  1. Ensuring equal opportunity in the application and hiring process. It’s helpful to remember that hiring is a social process which can be stressful for people with ASD. Hiring managers can offer options for a phone, video or in-person interview. They can ask in the interview, “If you were hired for this position, what would I, as your supervisor need to know about you to help you be successful in this position?” The manager can also be aware that eye contact, small talk and quick responses may be challenging so it may be necessary to allow for longer pauses, different body language and extra time. Organizations should be prepared to answer questions about how they accommodate those with autism, sensory processing disorder and/or other disabilities.
  2. Enabling a qualified individual with a disability to perform the essential functions of a job. This may require modifications to the work environment, or to the way a job is usually done. For example, managers can allow people to wear noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses or non-restrictive clothing. They can provide written and/or graphic job instructions, as well as short- and long-term goals.
  3. Making it possible for an employee with a disability to enjoy equal benefits and privileges of employment. This may require modification to training and support. Managers can help the employee “learn the ropes” by having a mentor help the employee navigate work and social issues, someone with whom the employee feels affinity and who can provide constructive feedback without shame or blame. Managers can schedule consistent meetings with the employee and their mentor to set goals and review progress. They can allow for support during or exemption from group gatherings and team-building events.

This is a lot to consider. It can seem overwhelming to have to provide accommodations for everyone who is gifted differently, especially because each person is unique in their needs.

How to make accommodation work

I am a career-long educator; I started out as a classroom teacher. I entered the workforce at a time when children with disabilities were being mainstreamed into regular education classrooms for the first time. If I wanted to keep my job, I had to learn quickly to make accommodations for differently gifted kids and still cover the curriculum.

What I came to understand is that it is not just special education children who are different; every child is unique and has different needs. It was interesting to learn and witness over time that whatever accommodations I made for the needs of special education kids, the regular education kids benefitted too. For example, when I posted the daily agenda and added intended outcomes for children who experience anxiety, every student had more clarity about what was expected.

The same principle applies in our work environments (and children grow up to be managers and fellow employees!). When we accommodate minorities, majorities benefit as well. When we design a work or play environment for those who are most marginalized, we are increasing access and removing structural barriers for everyone. And if you re-look at the bulleted list above, most of those accommodations will benefit everyone in your organization. This is called Universal Design. “UD is the design and composition of an environment so that it can be accessed, understood and used to the greatest extent possible by all people regardless of their age, size, ability or disability. An environment (or any building, product, or service in that environment) should be designed to meet the needs of all people who wish to use it.”(3)

Driven in part by factors such as the large number of Second World War soldiers returning home with disabling injuries, the rights and needs of older people and people with disabilities were brought to the forefront. Governments responded with the introduction of equal rights and anti-discrimination legislation. As new laws served to promote social inclusion and prevent discrimination and social movements of the 20th century gathered momentum, pressure was placed on the design industry. The industry responded with efforts to create accessible and usable products, services and environments.(4)

The most prevalent example of UD that benefits many of us is “curb cuts,” where sidewalks corners come down to meet streets. “Not only for disabled veterans in wheel chairs, but most of us benefit from curb cuts,” Beth said, “from parents with strollers to kids on scooters and people with walkers who struggle to step up.”

How UD relates to CI

Cultural Intelligence is the ability to be in conversation with someone who is different from us; it is the ability to appreciate their perspective and adapt our words and actions to show genuine respect. With CI we are curious and interested in others. “This is where you can apply Cultural Intelligence,” Beth told me, “be open to learning from people with autism.” Accommodations are sometimes referred to as ‘productivity enhancers.’ You can ask an employee, ‘What can we offer that will enhance your productivity?’ or How can we help you feel more comfortable?’”

Because accommodating minorities in an organization benefits majority people as well, there are three Culturally Intelligent Planning Questions we can ask when we are looking to hire and retain people who are gifted differently or have a different cultural background:

  1. Who is currently most marginalized in this context?
  2. How do we hold these people at the center of our policies and practices?
  3. What can we learn from them?

I asked Beth what she has learned because of having a daughter with ASD. She told me that had she not had her daughter, she would not be so in tune with those who have invisible challenges, especially in a learning environment like a museum. Beth said, “This understanding has not only made me a better designer of exhibition experiences for children and adults, she said, “but also a better leader personally and professionally. I have more appreciation, empathy and patience than I ever had before with both myself and those around me.”

There are two resources she wanted interested employers to know about:

  1. “27 Companies Who Hire Adults With Autism”
  2. St Louis Arc provides employment services that empowers individuals with disabilities to achieve their employment goals: https://www.slarc.org/programs/adulthood/employment-training/

In 2019, Beth was asked to share her experience and wisdom about inclusion and Universal Design at the Annual Conference for the Museum Computer Network. Here’s her Ignite talk, “Imagine the Future of Museum Accessibility.”

References:

  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html
  2. US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/small-employers-and-reasonable-accommodation
  3. Centre for Excellence in Universal Design. http://universaldesign.ie/Home/
  4. Leeper, V. June 5, 2018. “History of curb cuts – 99% invisible.” Idaho Centers for Independent Living Newsletter. https://dacnw.org/newsletter/history-of-curb-cuts-99-invisible/

Dr. Amy Narishkin, CEO and Cultural Intelligence strategist at Empowering Partners. Drawing on her years of experience teaching Cultural Intelligence and working with leaders and executives to build more diverse and engaging work environments, Dr. Amy provides the context and offers specific tools while engaging participants in thoughtful dialogues to build the skills for Culturally Intelligent conversation with colleagues and clients. You can find out more at EmpoweringPartners.com

A Case of Sexual Harassment

A Case of Sexual Harassment

by | Sep 29, 2020 |

The Women in Safety & Health (WISH) organization held a panel discussion on “Avoiding, Combatting & Overcoming Gender Disparity at Work.” There were four of us on the panel, each with our own area of expertise: Dr. Tiffany Slater, human resources; Samantha Wyant, trauma; Kathi Dobson, physical safety; and me, cultural intelligence. In advance of the discussion, WISH facilitator Patte Ackerman sent us a case study to discuss on our panel. She provided us with an anonymous voice recording of a woman explaining her struggle at work (I’ll call her Jennifer). It’s an instructive story, so (with permission) I’m sharing it with you here.

Jennifer’s predicament

When Jennifer joined the company, she was promised that within two years she’d be able to help increase sales and have her own office and an assistant. She was thrilled with the potential but quickly discovered everyone else on the sales team were men. So she had to actively seek ways to fit in, like attending happy hour events after work. Though awkward, she’d just smile and maybe nod when comments were made about, for example, a female server’s looks.

During one of the company gatherings, her boss confided in her about his marital problems. Jennifer didn’t want to seem indifferent, so she listened. “After that he must have felt more comfortable talking with me because his actions and words became more intimate,” she said. His conversation turned into compliments about her wardrobe, hair and then eventually her body. “I didn’t know how to say anything because it was nice to finally have a rapport with my boss. But I felt badly because he was liking me for the wrong reasons and not for my performance.”

Jennifer was so uncomfortable that she sought the help of a counselor. The counselor told her she had an obligation to file a sexual-harassment claim against her boss “because she wouldn’t want something like this to happen to her daughter.” So Jennifer felt obliged and filed the claim.

Jennifer explained, “It’s been three-and-a-half years since I took the job. The men have all moved on; I’ve not gotten a promotion, an office or an assistant. It doesn’t appear that there are any opportunities going forward.“ She feels like she’s in a holding pattern and is unsure if her lack of progress is because she’s a woman or because of the claim she made.

The bigger picture

In a male-dominated society, men typically don’t have to think outside the box to get ahead; they can come as they are. A woman, on the other hand, must be creative. She has to think outside the box to get ahead because the traditional pathway often doesn’t work for her.

Jennifer was willing to listen to her boss because she needed a pathway for advancement. Kudos to her for thinking creatively. If there had been another way for her to advance she would not have had to deeply listen, which makes anyone more attractive to the person being heard. It’s a sad commentary on societies where a woman’s words and actions translate into sexual availability.

He couldn’t see her motivation for deeply listening was actually to be noticed and advance her career. He hasn’t necessarily had to listen to someone deeply, to think outside the box to get ahead, to advance his career or increase his salary. She is thinking creatively and he’s misunderstanding the creativity.

Sixty-six percent of people who take the Intercultural Development Inventory® worldwide are right in the middle of the stages of Cultural Intelligence, the stage called “Minimization.” The problem is that people in minimization tend to assume all people have the same motivations and experiences that they have. Her boss minimized Jennifer. Instead of seeing her as a human being with her own unique experience (and kind intentions), he saw her as a sexually available woman.

To overcome minimization, it’s important for managers of all genders to recognize that those who have less power do not have the same experience and may be communicating something other than what we assume. If we can lean into what could appear as conflict and to listen to minorities in our society, who are typically not in positions of power, we’ll learn to see the systems that are hurting, sidelining and silencing people – and create a better system.

When team members on any level of the corporate ladder are sidelined and silenced, their team – and the company – are unlikely to reach their maximum potential. Those who don’t enjoy the privileges of a society’s dominant culture are frequently marginalized by Minimization and tend not to be allowed their true voice, productivity and growth potential. If we think about it, why would any manager silence even one person who could turn out to be a top contributor, innovator and/or producer. Where is the return on investment (RoI) in that?

What she can do

Jennifer and her boss needed more pathways for expression, for communicating needs. In Western culture we tend to avoid conflict, so much so that we demonize it and put off necessary conversations. A conflict is a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives or wishes. If we respectfully lean into the struggle, we can discover that conflict helps us understand each other better and set up boundaries for where the other person ends and we begin. Conflict and, in smaller doses, contrasting opinions, help us recognize what we don’t want so we can get very clear about what we do want.

In this particular case, there are one of two scenarios happening here. This man is either a…

  1. Creep and knowingly taking full advantage of his power; she wants something and he has the power to give it and get something in return, or
  2. “Regular guy” who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and is unaware of her need to be creative to advance in her career.

If she assumed the latter and led with the assumption of good intent, it would’ve been best to have the conversation early. She doesn’t need to give him a total pass with the hope that it’ll ‘get better. If she feels safe, this is the time to raise the question about what’s going on and where she stands. Later on it will only get harder to fix.

If it were an earlier stage in this predicament, Jennifer could’ve set up a meeting in a conference room and used the words, “I feel…, when you…, because…” “I” messages, as opposed to “you” messages enable speakers to be assertive without making accusations, which can make listeners feel defensive. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when you compliment my wardrobe rather than my work because those words don’t help me understand how to do my job better.”

What’s sad in this case, is that the counselor made her feel compelled to report her boss without finding out what Jennifer herself felt she should do. Preferably, a counselor would encourage a woman to explore her options and determine what she feels is best within the context of her own experience. Once you bring the level of conflict up to a formal complaint or legal action, the stakes are higher for everyone involved, and a situation is often more difficult to address with a simple conversation – if the manager is in fact a “regular guy” or someone who just doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and can get away with that.

But let’s be clear here, having a conversation in the early stages of what feels like sexual harassment can be a scary undertaking. For women of a certain age, this behavior from men has been so normalized, which really means minimized, that women have little training or cultural knowledge to recognize sexual harassment, much less name it or make a claim against it. This is especially hard when the behavior actually is sexual harassment, because sexual harassment tends to be a slow creep.

In Jennifer’s case, it may be too late for that initial 1-to-1 conversation, but that doesn’t mean she’s stuck. Dr. Slater suggested that Jennifer may want to explore leaving the organization and finding one that is more in line with her goals and principles. Samantha Wyant made it clear that in no way is this situation Jennifer’s fault and reinforced the importance of Jennifer’s voice.

If Jennifer does not want to leave or can’t, she can still lean into the conflict and have the conversation; however, at this point, she’ll want to have an ally to be with her as a witness.

When boundaries are violated but the environment is still safe to discuss them with an ally, people in Jennifer’s situation can set up a meeting, saying she’d like to have a conversation and clear up any misunderstanding and explain what happened. Jennifer can still use the words, “I feel…, when you…, because…”

For that meeting, Jennifer could…

  1. Write down the story and her feelings about the events
  2. Proceed with caution and sought out the wisdom and allyship of professionals
  3. Keep an on-going dated record of happenings
  4. Work with good intentions because, ultimately, the goal isn’t revenge but to keep ourselves, the people around us (including her boss) and society safe for everybody.

Cultural Intelligence is the ability to appreciate another’s perspective and change our words and actions to show genuine respect for another’s circumstances. In organizations with Cultural Intelligence, majorities don’t assume that another person’s experience is just like their own. Rather they assume they don’t know, apply curiosity and work to learn the other’s story and experience. They also check their impact on colleagues and clients and how corporate practices help and hurt others in their ability to contribute as collaborative, innovative and productive team members. Once these skills are adopted, they help us reach new customers and marketplaces which also requires learning, understanding and respecting perspectives that are different from our own or the current culture of our organization.     –Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

Dr. Amy Narishkin, CEO and Cultural Intelligence strategist at Empowering Partners. Drawing on her years of experience teaching Cultural Intelligence and working with leaders and executives to build more diverse and engaging work environments, Dr. Amy provides the context and offers specific tools while engaging participants in thoughtful dialogues to build the skills for Culturally Intelligent conversation with colleagues and clients. You can find out more at www.EmpoweringPartners.com

How Middle Managers Can Make a Difference

How Middle Managers Can Make a Difference

by | Aug 31, 2020 |

“When I was first hired as Production Manager, I got a pretty negative impression of one of my Leads,” said José, even though his employee was older and had been at the plant longer. José explained, “His expertise was important to the production process, but all I ever heard from him were complaints about how things were run, like nobody would ever be able to fix anything and things were so messed up. I just decided he was grumpy and gave him a wide berth.”

José was put off by his employee’s remarks and actions, and also felt sorry for the guy because he knew the company had a history of neglecting its employees. But José was convinced that it would take a long time before this veteran employee “improved” his attitude and, as a new manager in the middle of turn-around, he didn’t have the luxury of time.

When we’ve got a business to run or work to do in the day-to-day grind it can be hard to slow down. The fast thinking we all do enables us to work efficiently and assess quickly whether a person, group, or situation is helpful or hurtful.(1)

José needed to keep moving, so he made an assumption about his Lead and inadvertently started climbing the “Ladder of Inference.”

How fast thinking works

The Ladder of Inference has five steps. First proposed by business theorist Chris Argyris in 1970, it describes the thinking process that we go through, usually without realizing it, which moves from observation to action. The thinking stages can be seen as rungs on a ladder. Thinking fast, we…

  1. Select data because we can’t take in all that is presented to us at one time, we subconsciously choose what we should pay attention to
  2. Paraphrase data by putting the part we chose into our own words and applying our existing assumptions
  3. Name what’s happening and subconsciously generalize about that data point we chose
  4. Evaluate what’s happening as good or bad based on our value system and our existing theories
  5. Decide what actions to take that seem “right” because they are based on what we believe (2)

We can see that embedded in each step of this ladder of data selection and refinement is our unconscious bias. That bias is shaped by the culture around us. Being repeatedly exposed to images in movies, news media, stories, jokes, etc. within our culture reinforces reflexive data selection. In other words, we make assumptions about people and situations without even knowing it.

The ability to categorize people quickly and automatically according to social and other characteristics is a basic skill of the human brain that helps give order to life’s complexity and keeps us safe.(3) And because we all have a fundamental for order and safety, we can’t help but categorize.

However, because fast thinking is stereotyping and automatic, it’s also fallible, leading to inaccurate, often irrational conclusions and alienating actions.

Don’t climb the ladder

So we can choose to avoid climbing the Ladder of Inference altogether – by accepting the idea that we’re always going to make assumptions about what others say and do. It’s how people are. And if we didn’t draw on our past experience and own cultural context to help us interpret the world, we’d be lost; we wouldn’t be able to learn from our experience.

The trick, then, is to draw on our experience and context in a way that holds our assumptions in check.

We can…

  1. Reflect. Notice our assumptions, reasoning and reactions.
  2. Verify. Check back and see if we were clear about how we communicated with others about our thinking, reasoning and feelings
  3. Inquire. Ask questions about what others are thinking and feeling and test our assumptions for accuracy

What happened

Though definitely put off by his Lead’s complaints, José began to wonder if any of them were legitimate. His Lead had been with the company for decades and likely had insight that José could learn from. On his daily rounds, José decided to make a point to spend a few extra minutes with his Lead. José made sure he wrote down the Lead’s ideas (even if they sounded negative) and told him he’d either get an answer or get the idea to a person who could address the issue. In each case, José made it a point to circle back with him the same day and give him some type of report to demonstrate his concern.

When I asked him what happened, José said, “It actually didn’t take long before his attitude began to change; he began to smile when I came around. He stopped just pointing out negative stuff; he pointed out problems but also offered solutions. After just a few weeks, he was more productive and a nicer guy to have around. And I felt better about my leadership.” The Lead’s behavior and demeanor had changed when his younger boss took the time to ensure that his employee felt valued and heard.

Working to ensure an employee feels valued and heard is Cultural Intelligence in action. Cultural Intelligence is the ability to appreciate another’s perspective and change our behavior to show genuine respect across differences of generation, gender, race, nationality or education-levels.

Within the context of our crises of pandemic and protesting, its particularly important that employees feel valued, heard and engaged. When I speak with clients, I’ve heard time and again how social distancing is causing both workers on factory floors and mangers in home offices to feel isolated and alone. Now more than ever we need our Cultural Intelligence to recognize and affirm a person’s experience so that our employees can know and feel that they are a valuable part of our community.

What a leader can do

Leaders and their teams can inadvertently hinder their growth by climbing the Ladder of Inference and restricting themselves to data that support their existing assumptions. This may lead to inadvertently ignoring contradictory data that might be vital to relationships, collaboration and innovation.(4)

If we think we know what someone is going to say or do, we’re already near the top of the ladder. Leaders can be aware that embedded assumptions can hinder our ability to connect with people, practices and information and can stifle inquiry.

So to summarize, leaders, the better option is to slow down and…

  1. Reflect. Notice our own and the group’s assumptions, reasoning and reactions
  2. Accept. Realize that meaning and assumptions are not reality but perception
  3. Model. Make our thought processes visible to others
  4. Inquire. Ask what others are thinking and feeling and what they see differently
  5. Wonder. Consider the source and other possible interpretations of the data
  6. Verify. Cross-check that assumptions are based on the data they’ve gathered

It’s counter-intuitive, in the urgency we can feel in Western cultures, that slowing down is a more efficient approach to problem solving. But to increase collaboration and productivity in our organizations, it’s important to take a few extra minutes within our formal and informal meetings to recognize and affirm the unique experiences and wisdom of our colleagues and direct reports. That’s the beauty of Cultural Intelligence brings to any organization; when we take the time to get down off the Ladder of Inference, leaders and employees feel valued, heard and engaged and the organization realizes more collaboration, productivity and innovation. -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

References:

  1. Kahneman, D. (2011) Thinking, Fast and Slow, New York: Macmillan.
  2. Senge, P. (2006). The Fifth Discipline: The art and practice of the learning organization. New York: Doubleday http://sacdialogue.com/LadderofInference.pdf
  3. Frith, U. (2015) Unconscious bias. The Royal Society: https://royalsociety.org/topics-policy/publications/2015/unconscious-bias/
  4. Labrie, P. Mental Models – Ladder of Inference https://artofleadershipconsulting.com/blog/leadership/mental-models-ladder-of-inference/
How to Connect with Your Kid About Tricky Topics

How to Connect with Your Kid About Tricky Topics

by | Jul 22, 2020 |

“I don’t know if I did it right,“ Louisa told me. She said she’d overheard her son calling it the “Chinese virus” to a group of friends. She’d pulled him aside and told him, “We don’t call the disease by its country of origin. It could come off as racist. We refer to it as Covid-19.”

Louisa explained that her son was concerned he was in trouble for what he’d said, but she realized that – because he’s only 10 year old – she may’ve come on too strong and wanted to soften her approach.

As parents and teachers, when we’re taken off guard, we can overreact. That’s a normal response. When we realize we’ve come on too strong we can:

  1. Slow down
  2. Notice our feelings and those of our child, and
  3. Get more information

She took a breath and said, “No, you’re not in trouble. We just don’t use words like that in our family and what you said took me by surprise. I was wondering where you got that term from.” He told her he’d heard it in a kids’ Messenger group of friends from school.

She explained to her son she could understand why a person would use that term because the virus had originated in China – and if other people are using a term, it’s natural to pick up on it and use it too.

“You have Chinese friends,” she told him, “and I know you wouldn’t want to hurt them but by using a term that could push them away.” Besides, she said we’re Italian and Greek, and we wouldn’t want somebody to associate a pandemic with your countries of origin, something we can’t do anything about.

Her son agreed, he wouldn’t want that and said he’d be more careful.

She explained to me that they’re raising their kids to be culturally aware. And when she heard him say “Chinese virus” she thought she’d totally failed as a parent. Which is why she’d reacted so strongly. But when she realized she didn’t have the whole story, she calmed down. She said, “I asked if I’d done it right because I want to raise my kids to appreciate people of other cultures and their contributions.

What to do

I told Louisa that she’s on track. A culturally intelligent person appreciates another’s perspective and changes their behavior to show genuine respect. As a parent she had…

  1. Modeled culturally intelligent behavior for her son by recognizing his concern and softening her approach with him.
  2. Talked through with her son what he could do to ensure his actions are not alienating to people but instead thoughtful and considerate.

I explained that when I’m in a tricky cultural situation with kids or adults, I keep in mind the acronym “S.T.O.P.”

  • S – Slow down
  • T – Take 3 deep breaths
  • O – Observe my reaction, notice the feelings of the other person and check that everyone is safe. Then, if everything’s cool, I…
  • P – Proceed with curiosity and wonder.

Without even realizing it, Louisa had slowed down, taken a breath, felt her feelings of overreaction and noticed her son was worried he’d blown it. Then with an attitude of curiosity and wonder she talked it through with her son.

With an attitude of curiosity and wonder, a parent or teacher can say:

  • Where did you learn those words?
  • Let’s consider how those words might impact a person.
  • If roles were reversed, what would you want a person to do?

 To more deeply connect, when your child or teen shares their response, it’s important to hear them out and actively listen so they feel heard and valued.

I explained to Louisa that it’s important she help her son just as she had. When a person calls the disease by the place of origin, like the “Chinese virus,” it puts a face to the blame, and that can negatively influence how we treat people. We need to use words that point to a problem without blaming a group of people.

Louisa was relieved. Later in the day she told me she overheard neighborhood kids using the term and saw the problem was more widespread than she had originally thought. While she was relieved she hadn’t blown it as a parent, she saw we all have more work to do.

The key to greater connection in a family, community or corporation rests on everyone feeling and knowing they are valued, heard and engaged. -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

Five Ways Whites Can Effectively Respond in Cross-cultural Conversation

Five Ways Whites Can Effectively Respond in Cross-cultural Conversation

by | Jul 7, 2020 |

When someone is in crisis or the whole world is exploding in pandemics and protests what do you do? Studies show most of us respond by minimizing our differences trying to rationalize the crisis down to nothing, invalidating (often infuriating) the person(s) in crisis. Or we minimize by “me tooing” with our own comparable story or we just plain-old ignore what is happening right in front of us. And some of us decide to polarize by going into denial or opposition. Why? Because we don’t know how to respond.

These five steps help you respond to almost any crisis as a compassionate human being:

  1. Focus the discussion on the other person: “Would you mind telling me your story and what you’ve come to understand?” Steer away from centering a conversation on yourself (your thoughts, feelings or experience). This conversation is not about you, its about uncovering the root of the crisis and the other person(s) experience, not yours.
  2. Be a listener and learner in a conversation: “Would you mind telling me more about your experience? What has happened to you?” Steer away from being the speaker and knower of truth. This is not the movies – a white person is not going to solve all the problems with a witty speech.
  3. Affirm the other person’s experience, even if their experience is different from yours: “It sounds like that was tough for you.” Steer away from sharing what you think is a comparable experience that you have had. Let yourself feel what you are hearing.
  4. Show compassion as you listen. Follow these 3 Steps.
  5. Check the impact of your words: “What was the impact of my words on you? Did you feel like I heard you well?” Steer away from being concerned about your intent when you speak, your impact is more important.

When I first started in this work of understanding racism, culture and cultural intelligence as a white woman, I didn’t know how to respond to crisis either. Without knowing how to get it right, I originally thought it would be better to minimize our differences and say nothing at all. But not recognizing a person’s pain, makes the problem worse. It strains a relationship. It hurts the other person. Initially, I just didn’t have enough background knowledge to understand the context of why people protest and how to uncover the cause of people’s pain.

If we don’t know, we need to learn the history and context of people’s pain. There are Anti-racism Resources to help parents, teachers and leaders understand the history of exploitation and context of race in America. For my fellow whites, learning history from this perspective for the first time can be initially heartbreaking and undesirable. But stick with it. Years ago, my mentor suggested that it doesn’t help to avoid it but instead ingest the information at a rate that’s manageable and keeps us in the work; it’s worth it.

I realized I was going to need to know history to engage in culturally intelligent conversations. I also recognized I needed to get to know people who are different from me. How does a white gal from the burbs relate to a black man in the city center? How do you talk with someone different from you at work? How do you be an ally with a person at your place of worship or recreation? The answer is with cultural intelligence.

Cultural intelligence is the ability to appreciate another’s perspective and change our behavior to show genuine respect. When we feel the freedom to talk and learn with people who hold different perspectives and have distinct backgrounds, we become open to new possibilities for relationship, productivity and positive change.

Why compassion

What I’ve learned over time is that central to cross-cultural conversations is the experience of being understood by another. Each of us has a deep need for human connection. Even when my experience is different, I can express compassion. When I do share compassion, I am working to hold space for the other person to authentically show up, be accountable, work through problems and be successful. I work to keep the focus on them so they feel valued and heard.

What we gain by listening

In capitalist societies, competitiveness is a cultural characteristic that, if we’re not culturally aware, can get in the way of productive and genuine relationships. We can get caught up in trying to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong in a conversation.

We can get attached to the idea that someone is a loser and someone is a winner, and we want to win. But in that zero sum construct when one person wins, the other loses. It’s either our loss or theirs; in each case both parties lose the opportunity to build a relationship. People lose connection. Organizations lose productivity and opportunities to innovate.

How we win

We know we’ve really “won” when we feel compassion for our colleagues and clients. The survival and well-being of our organizations depend on our collective well-being, not our individual might.

Our collective well-being develops with one culturally intelligent conversation at a time. It is within individual conversations that we are able to pick up on patterns of how people and employees may be/feel exploited, side-lined or silenced. This is where the power of compassion comes into action.

We can notice, feel and respond to systems within our organizations and community that are marginalizing, silencing or excluding people. These systems may include a lack of quality childcare or public transportation; a lack of compassion toward different religious practices or value systems. No matter what becomes apparent in our conversations, we get to notice, feel and respond with compassion and in solidarity.

While words like compassion, feelings and belonging may resonate with you as words that should be used at home with family or in places of worship, it is the exclusion of these words in our work organizations and greater society that aid in marginalizing entire groups of people, minimizing important experiences we could all learn from and alienating us from innovation that moves us forward in life and business.   –Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

There’s a Better Question

There’s a Better Question

by | May 27, 2020 |

Why is Covid-19 hitting some communities harder than others? Who exactly has been hit the hardest? These are the questions my daughter Abby Narishkin, a reporter for Business Insider, was looking into for her research for, “The Real Reasons Coronavirus Hits Some Communities Harder Than Others.” Abby lives and works in New York City, but, because New York became a U.S. epicenter in March, she came to shelter with us here in St. Louis.

About the time Abby arrived, headlines were reporting a disproportionate number of people of color dying of Covid-19. Abby wondered why the disparity if we are “all in this together.”

Because Abby and I were together, I had the privilege of watching the depth of research and teamwork that go into producing a report like that. As she uncovered the facts about the number of people of color dying, we felt deep despair. It isn’t fair. With such significant disparities between the experience of whites and people of color, the irony that Abby was safely sheltering with us in suburban St. Louis versus New York City was not lost on us.

For us, difficult questions began to arise. For example, “Are whites to blame for these disparities in our country?” Or, “Are people of color to blame?”

As I thought more about it, I realized questions like these make us defensive, triggering a desire to protect ourselves. They make us turn our attention inward. As a result, we end up talking in ways that are alienating and polarizing to people. And nothing gets accomplished. We do this when questions get tough in our communities, schools, places of worship and work. That inward-only focus can often turn to a complacency, or “analysis paralysis,” that allows those hungry for self-serving control or power the perfect opportunity to exploit the most unintelligent and reflexive parts of our culture and fears.

This pull to look inward isn’t our fault, per se. It’s a symptom of being a part of a larger American culture that focuses on individualism, personal responsibility and protecting our individual rights.

While protecting individual rights is a necessary part of the American collective consciousness, individualism can inadvertently fixate our attention on finger-pointing and blaming. This can keep us from doing the more mature and dignified work of showing up for each other. Determining the root cause(s) can be important to moving, in a time of crisis, from addressing immediate needs band-aid-style, to identifying sustainable, long term solutions. Even in that transition, blame and shame are not required to find and reach solutions. Although often not discussed, personal responsibility includes showing up for each other and for the benefit of the larger community, which in turn benefits the individual.

How to look forward

In light of the data Abby shared in her report, I realized I can use my cultural intelligence to appreciate a perspective different from my own and change my behavior to show genuine respect.

So instead of looking inward, a better course of action is to look outward. To get there, we can:

  1. Accept the disparities as our current reality in America
  2. Express genuine compassion for those who are all too-often sidelined or silenced, and
  3. Ask a question that redirects our attention outward, toward our shared responsibility and common good.

There’s a better question here: “Within our sphere of influence, what can we do to ensure everyone feels valued and engaged?”

This question frees us to consider actions that benefit us and the people around us. Instead of feeling helpless, we discover we don’t have to waste energy and time on self-protection but instead consider how we can make a difference and participate in systemic change.

How cultural intelligence opportunities show up in organizations

We’re not the only ones to fall into the trap of self-protection; organizations do too. Corporate diversity programs are often created for the purpose of self-protection. Pamela Newkirk, New York University professor and author of Diversity, Inc, writes that “formal diversity structures” don’t necessarily decrease discrimination. She cites Lauren Edelman, a professor of law at the University of California, Berkley as saying that they’re often “symbolic gestures to public opinion, the views of constituents, social norms or law.” Too often they become “a shield against successful bias lawsuits.”(1)

Not only to avoid litigation, corporate diversity programs also tend to focus on eliminating negative experiences and nasty behavior for minorities because those are easier to track than positive behavior.

But trying to avoid blame and shame as an organization doesn’t free us to do the more impactful work of building an intelligent culture together that ensures everyone in the organization feels valued and engaged.

Thus, the question is: “Within our sphere of influence, what can we do to create an organization where everyone, with their unique perspectives and backgrounds, feels valued and engaged?”

Within the context of your organization, it may help to know that, across the board, employees of color not only encounter more negative incidents than their white counterparts, they also miss out on the experiences that leave them feeling good about themselves and their employers. This means minority employees not only have more reasons to look into leaving but also fewer reasons to stay than their white colleagues, explain Peter Norlander of Loyola University and Serena Does and Margaret Shih of UCLA.(2)

Their research suggests the gap in positive experiences could account for as much as 10-15% of the difference in attrition rates between whites and employees of color.(2)

What a leader can do:

  1. Be aware of the impact of hidden assumptions. Hidden assumptions are an inherent ‘blind spot’ in our thinking that reduces accuracy and can ultimately result in an inaccurate, and often irrational, conclusion.(3) For example, white people in the developmental stage of Minimization often assume that people of color have the same opportunities they do. If left unchecked, such assumptions can hinder our ability to talk, behave and work collaboratively and kindly with colleagues and clients who are different from us.
  2. Recognize that retention is based on positive experiences, not avoiding negative ones. Particularly for employees of color, managers can encourage direct reports to take part in decision-making and give input on how to do their job. Managers can encourage coworkers to share effective practices and help each other get the job done. And managers can appropriately recognize a job well done.(2)
  3. Utilize career mapping to communicate value. Career mapping is one strategy for engaging employees in decision-making. In 1-to-1 meetings, managers can connect with their direct reports to discuss their professional goals and potential career advancement opportunities, resources and education available to them within the business. “Rather than assuming that every employee wants to work toward a management-based trajectory, open up the discussion through quarterly or bi-annual surveys asking the employee to identify their pain points with their current role, thoughts on leadership and their ideal role within the organization they want to work toward,” writes Tim Johnson, CEO of Mondo, a leading digital marketing and IT staffing firm. This strategy encourages employees to share their passions and speak up about what it will take to retain them. It also establishes investment in them and their long-term future with the business.(4)

Maybe in 2019 a grocery store checker was regarded as having low education and therefore deserving of low pay or a less desirable job. Now we know that, from the factory worker to the truck driver to the stocker to the checker and everyone in between, each and every one is critical for the survival of our communities and organizations. If we are unwilling to fully value our neighbors and team members and allow them to bring their full contribution to our communities and organizations, why spend the organization’s time and resources to employ them? How much is the loss of contribution and productivity from an undervalued person or community? What’s the profit loss on ¼, ½ or ¾ of an employee’s full potential for the sake of maintaining biases that in the end serve no one?

Conclusion

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.”

In a global crisis, now is not the time to circle our wagons in self-protection. Now is not the time to turn our attention inward with questions about who’s to blame and who should be ashamed.

It’s the time to turn the work inward to be culturally intelligent and look outward to the systems, behaviors and habits that prevent diversity from being a powerhouse of contribution for good that it can be.

In many predominantly black and brown neighborhoods there are food deserts, restrictive housing practices and less access to equitable education, medical care and jobs, conditions that are fueling Covid-19’s impact in these communities. Organizations have their own versions of this inequity. They have praise deserts, stagnant hierarchical structures and roadblocks to valued productivity and career mobility based on personal and cultural, conscious and unconscious bias that are fueling attrition and potential profit loss.

Now is the time to grow cultural intelligence in our communities and organizations by turning our attention outward. Now is the time to acknowledge that Covid-19 in our society and quota outlines within our organization are not the great equalizers. As the Business Insider report shows, these disparities between whites and people of color existed long before the pandemic and are deeply embedded in our culture. It is paramount that we see how blame and shame delay adoption of the cultural intelligence that can actually increase equity and prosperity.

Now is the time to ensure the dignity of every individual, so that none are lost and the full measure of people’s contributions are gained. Now is the time to ask: Within my sphere of influence as parent, teacher and/or leader, what can I do or, even better, what can we do to ensure each person within our organizations and communities feels valued, heard and engaged?      -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

References:

  1. Newkirk, P. (2019) Diversity, Inc., New York: Bold Type Books.
  2. Norlander, P., Does, S. & Shih, M. (working paper) Deprivation at work: Positive workplace experiences and the racial gap in quit intentions. https://www.anderson.ucla.edu/documents/sites/faculty/review%20publications/research/Norlander-Does-Shih_Positive_Empirical_Anderson_Review.pdf
  3. Banaji, M. & Greenwald, A. (2013) Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People. New York: Delacorte Press.
  4. Johnson, T. (Jun 29, 2018) “The real problem with tech professionals: High turnover. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinessdevelopmentcouncil/2018/06/29/the-real-problem-with-tech-professionals-high-turnover/#3c89c90d4201
What’s In a Name

What’s In a Name

by | Apr 27, 2020 |

The other day, my friend James stopped in at the gas station he frequents. He overheard another customer say, “I can’t stand Chinese people. I hate this foreign virus.”

“What?!” James said.

The customer responded, “Why do you think we’re in this mess? We have this Coronavirus because of them.”

James slowed down the conversation and said, “I have two siblings who were adopted from China, and I don’t have a single problem. We’re safe.”

The customer quickly dialed back and said, “No, no, no. I have a problem with the Chinese government, not the people.” Then the customer turned and left.

It hurts when he hears that term. James certainly knows Chinese people are not the cause of Covid-19.

During a time of fear and uncertainty such as this, it’s important to understand how easy it is to get caught up in assumptions, why that happens and what we can do about it.

The way we talk about disease matters, whether it’s a human disease or the types of dis-ease that make organizations sick, and impacts people’s lives and interactions. Describing Covid-19 as a “foreign virus” is not only unhelpful, it’s dangerous.

Why stereotypes are dangerous

Describing Covid-19 as a “foreign virus” is problematic. Ho-Fung Hung, Professor of Sociology at Johns Hopkins University explained that the virus itself doesn’t know ethnic boundaries, so if you’re stuck with this perception that you only need to keep a distance from certain groups of people, you miss the more important steps that need to be taken: maintain physical distance from people outside your household. People can inadvertently lower their guard; they might think they won’t come across someone from Asia, so they’re fine.(1) And when people are worried about being discriminated against, they might feel discouraged from getting the medical care they need. If immigrants are afraid to get tested, that puts the community at large in danger too.

Not only is there the obvious physical danger to the community at large, there is also potential harm to our ability to connect with friends, clients and coworkers. When a person calls this disease the “Chinese flu” or a “foreign virus,” they put a face to the blame, and that can negatively influence a person’s perception and behavior, thus inadvertently alienating a whole group of people. Not only is that not healthy in, it’s destructive to personal and professional relationships.

This isn’t new

At CNN.com, reporter Catherine Shoichet points out that from the Black Plague to SARS, racism and xenophobia were also in the picture. Here’s what scholars told her about some of these events:

  • “In 14th century Italy, Jewish populations were accused of deliberately poisoning the wells and causing the Black Death. We know examples of this from many places in Europe,” said Nükhet Varlik, associate professor of history at Rutgers University. As rumors spread, Jewish people were killed, buried alive and burned at the stake, he said.(1)
  • “The 1832 cholera outbreak in New York City was very largely blamed on Irish Catholic immigrants,” said Alan Kraut, professor of history at American University.(1)
  • “In 1876, during an outbreak of smallpox in San Francisco, a population of 30,000 Chinese living there became medical scapegoats. Chinatown was blamed as a ‘laboratory of infection,’ and quarantined amidst renewed calls to halt immigration. Things got to the point where there were forced vaccinations of people in the Chinatown community with a vaccine that had not been fully tested,” said Doug Chan, president of the Chinese Historical Society of America and Marie Myung-Ok Lee, writer-in-residence at Columbia University’s Center for the Study of Ethnicity and Race. The Chinese Exclusion Act was enacted in 1882.(1)

Why humans fall into this trap

Humans are a social species that has evolved to live in big groups but, until recently in human history, had no understanding of specific causes of disease or the way they’re transmitted. So, to minimize the spread of disease, humans ignorantly defaulted to a kind of instinctive social distancing. Its expression was crude, our ancestors operating on a ‘better safe than sorry’ logic.(2) But that binary thinking about who’s safe and who’s not safe sometimes gets mapped against preexisting social prejudices. So, minority groups often become scapegoats during public health emergencies (3)

We might think that we’re unbiased, impartial and fair and so wouldn’t fall into this trap. But we all succumb to this bias, having evolved to be this way. Due to some deeply evolved responses to disease and fears of contagion, we have a “blindspot” we’re often unaware of, which is influencing our behavior toward people.

In a previous blog, “What’s in Your Blindspot?” I explained that an assumption is an idea that we accept as true about a person or group of people without proof. A hidden assumption (or unconscious bias) is an inherent “blind spot” in our thinking that reduces accuracy and can ultimately result in an inaccurate, and often irrational, conclusion – like thinking Asian people cause Covid-19.

In this pandemic, a particular kind of bias is prevalent: in-group bias. It means the unfair favoring of someone from one’s own group (and denigration of those outside it). From an evolutionary perspective, the bias is about gaining an advantage over other social groups, particularly with respect to protecting and promoting people similar to oneself.

In stressful times like this pandemic, even within their own in-group, people value conformity over eccentricity. The pattern is similar when there is a crisis in your business, and, for example, when sales for the quarter plummet. Understanding this, we tend to see value in being morally vigilant in a crisis. Studies have shown that when we fear outbreak, we tend to be more judgmental when perceiving a breach of loyalty, break from the norm or failure to respect authority.(2)

What a leader can do

Spending a great deal of time in isolation whether from Covid-19 or in the silo of your department at work, people can get caught up in their own small world and forget that other people have different perspectives and experiences. When we notice a bias in ourselves or others we can “STOP” – discover there’s much more to know about a person, situation or organization than we initially thought. We can:

  • S – Slow down;
  • T – Take 3 deep breaths;
  • O – Observe our reaction and the feelings of others, check to see that you’re safe; and if everything is cool…
  • P – Proceed with curiosity and wonder

A solution in solidarity

“What prompted you to speak up?” I asked James. He explained that he felt hurt when he heard the customer blame Chinese people. But he slowed down, acknowledged his own feelings and recognized that the other guy was probably afraid too. So he offered a different perspective and hoped it would reassure him.

James told me he wonders if he’s just being self-righteous. But as we discussed it more, he realized that what he really wants is to be part of a society where everyone feels like they belong, where even his Chinese brother and sister have voices that are honored as much as his own.

Cultural intelligence helps us to slow down, acknowledge our own fear and take steps to stay safe, as well as empathize and recognize no one person is to blame for whatever we’re experiencing. This kind of compassion heals and enhances the health of our daily interactions as well as our on-going relationships within our homes and workplaces.                   -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

References

  1. Shoichet, C. (March 17, 2020). “Racism and xenophobia are on the rise as the coronavirus spreads.” CNN.com. https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/12/us/disease-outbreaks-xenophobia-history/index.html
  2. Robson, D. (April 1, 2020) “The fear of coronavirus is changing our psychology.” BBC Future. http://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200401-covid-19-how-fear-of-coronavirus-is-changing-our-psychology
  3. Mar 31, 2020 “Coronavirus revives racist stereotypes against Chinese people and other minorities,” The Christian Science Monitor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSUH-ga0XUw
  4. Understanding unconscious bias: The Royal Society. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVp9Z5k0dEE
  5. Dwyer, C. (Sept 7, 2018) “12 common biases that affect how we make everyday decisions.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thoughts-thinking/201809/12-common-biases-affect-how-we-make-everyday-decisions
What’s the Point of Impact?

What’s the Point of Impact?

by | Mar 31, 2020 |

“Should I have taken down my Confederate flag?” Bob asked. It was the question Bob, a mid-level retail manager, asked when he called me over to his group during a workshop I was facilitating at his company.

Amy: “Where’s the flag?”

Bob: “Up on the wall in my garage,”

Amy: “So, what’s the problem?”

Bob: “It took up the better part of the back wall, and when the garage door was up, the neighbors could see it.”

Amy: “What prompted you to put it up?”

Bob: “It represents part of US history, my own history.”

Amy: “So it must be pretty important to you. Why do you think it needs to come down?”

Bob: “After the Cultural Intelligence Workshop last week, I got to thinking about what you’d said, about how ‘our impact is more important than our intent in cross-cultural relationships.’ Because my neighbor is black, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

Amy: “Thinking about the impact of your actions is a great first step in building a relationship with your neighbor.”

Bob: “But I don’t know if it helped.”

Amy: “Did you ask him?”

Bob said, “No. I’m not sure what to say.”

Amy: “What about saying what you just said to me? I took down the Confederate flag in my garage because I thought it might hurt your feelings. What was the impact of that flag on you?”

Bob: “I can say that?”

Cultural default

In cross-cultural conversations, sometimes we don’t know what to say. It can be awkward and even stifling in an existing relationship or in the early days of a new one. This is where we need the cultural intelligence to help us know what to say and how to say it.

Cultural intelligence (CI) is the ability to appreciate another’s perspective and adapt our words and actions to show respect and genuine interest in another. Whether it’s in your neighborhood making new friends or on a conference call with colleagues, CI enables the connection that builds collaboration and innovation in every organization.

In developing my own cultural intelligence, I’ve realized it’s easier to connect with other people authentically if I’m aware of my own default cultural habits. Some of those cultural habits are usually helpful, like when I use active listening or smile when I walk by another person. Other default habits are hurtful though, like how I might put distance between me and another person when I feel unsure of myself.

Often, we’re unaware of our default cultural habits and how they hinder our ability to connect and sustain relationships that are critical to effectively navigating our home and work life.

A way to cultural self-awareness

I’ve learned that one default cultural habit the people of a dominant culture (in a country or organization) can unconsciously express is that of thinking they’re “in the know.” Let me explain why. You might recall in a previous blog, “There’s Nothing Common About Vocabulary,” I explained that worldwide, within every country and community, culture comes in two forms: dominant and non-dominant culture.

Dominant culture is the most powerful, widespread, or influential group within a multicultural community of any type, whether it’s a home, school, office, non-profit, place of worship or country.

Non-dominant culture is a distinct group that coexists with but is perceived and treated as subordinate to the majority culture. It’s often smaller in number (but not always) and is distinct from majority culture because of gender, generation, religion, race, disability or education, just to name a few.

Because the dominant culture group is the most powerful and influential, its members typically set the standard for what is “normal” in a community. As a result, their default is to be the “knowers” in their culture, rather than the “learners.” As knowers, they may not feel comfortable when they don’t know or don’t have an answer. And because they may be unaccustomed to that discomfort, it can feel awkward expressing that they don’t know, as it was for Bob.

But the act of asking for help or clarity on the impact of our words or actions can actually have an endearing effect for majority culture people. In fact, people of non-dominant or under-represented cultures typically appreciate it when I take the time to ask about the impact of my words on them. It suggests I’m investing in understanding them and their experience on a deeper level, thus signaling I’m genuinely interested them as a person.

What a leader can do

In my previous blog, “Hear Me Now?”, I shared a story about how a leader showed compassion. The word compassion comes into the English language by way of the Latin root “passio,” which means to suffer and is paired with the Latin prefix “com” meaning together. So the original meaning of compassion was “suffer together.” While “suffering” may be a strong word, these three steps for expressing compassion are culturally intelligent and allow anyone to move from the default attitude of being the “knower” to investing in learning about the other person’s perspective in a respectful and authentic manner. Compassion involves three elements:

  1. Noticing
  2. Feeling
  3. Responding

Let’s take a closer look at those elements:

Step one: Noticing

We can slow down, check to see that we’re safe and notice the feelings of the other person. Bob, for example, had the gut feeling that by displaying his Confederate flag, he was not creating a safe environment for his neighbor.

Step two: Feeling

Feel your feelings or reaction. Know them to be legitimate. And acknowledge the feelings of the other person as legitimate as well. Because we all have a desire to be understood, it can be hard to focus on another person’s feelings if we haven’t acknowledged our own emotions first. (In other words, if we accept our own humanity, we can extend it to others.) Bob needed to acknowledge two things: that the flag was there in his space because it had deep meaning for him and that it could cause a different set of deep feelings in his neighbors.

Step three: Responding

To find a response that honors both sets of feelings, you can ask, “What was the impact of my words (or action)?” then listen deeply. When the person describes how your words made them feel, respond by labeling the emotion. Labels can be phrased as statements or questions. Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:

  • It seems like…
  • It sounds like…
  • It looks like…

For example, we might say…

  • It seems like that hurt you.
  • It sounds like that made you mad.
  • It looks like that was confusing.

After the Cultural Intelligence Workshop Bob naturally began to notice (Step 1) the environment he was creating/holding. He also considered his feelings for why he had created that environment and what it could mean for his neighbors (Step 2). However, he was unaware there was a process for showing compassion or that it contained a Step 3.

What happened

Until he asked me if he’d done the right thing by taking down his flag, Bob didn’t know he could ask about the impact of his action. He also didn’t know it was okay not to know.

At the next workshop, I asked Bob, “How did it go with your neighbor?

Bob said: “I never asked him. I decided the flag wasn’t that important. Ever since I asked you, our families have been getting together every Sunday for barbecue dinners and really enjoying getting to know one another.”

Later in the morning Bob told me how grateful he was not only for his new friendship with the family across the street but also for the knowing, now, that he can check on how he’s coming across to people. He explained that it’s not only helpful with his neighbors and colleagues but also with his wife and kids.

As with every seemingly tricky interpersonal issue at home, work or online, knowing how to navigate with cultural intelligence is the key to success. Recognizing we are in relationship with someone who has seen and unseen differences is the first step to connection.

Rarely does rushing in as the “knower” show another person respect or genuine interest. Sure, compassion is a squishy word we don’t often bring to work. But if we do, consider the impact on productivity, collaboration and innovation. Imagine the sense of value and pride in work that can develop, which is good for people, profit margins and a world in great need of compassion.                                                                                                    -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD