Caroline (not her real name) didn’t come to our coaching session with a leadership problem. She came in with weariness.
Not the kind that comes from a lack of results – but the kind that comes from carrying results while feeling invisible.
She told me about a board meeting from the month before – a long night of “questions” that didn’t feel like curiosity to this CEO. They felt like pressure. Like accusation. Like she was on trial.
And what made it worse was this: The organization had had one of the strongest years of her career. Every KPI on the scorecard was in the green for the first time in the organization’s history. Employee retention was improving. Engagement was climbing. The culture was stabilizing. [Research backs up why the engagement part matters: Gallup has estimated that low engagement costs the global economy trillions in lost productivity – meaning that engagement isn’t a “soft” metric; it’s a performance driver.]
Multiple positives for her company. Yet the scrutiny kept coming.
As she related all this, I remember thinking, “Wait. If outcomes aren’t enough to create trust, what is she actually up against?” So I gently asked her, “What did you need from them that night?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I wanted them to understand what I see,” she said. “All the progress. To feel like we’re on the same team.”
Instead, she got more interrogation.
And that’s when she said something that made me pause: “I don’t play politics, Amy. I just want them to see the work I’m doing and the progress we’re making.”
I nodded, because I’ve heard that from leaders before – especially the ones who are deeply mission-driven and tired of feeling under-appreciated.
But I also knew something she couldn’t quite see yet: It wasn’t “politics” that was needed but stronger relationships. Part of me wanted to say, “Good. Me neither.” But another part of me knew that answer wouldn’t help her.
So instead, I got curious. “What does ‘politics’ mean to you?” I asked.
She exhaled. “Manipulation. Hidden agendas. Influencing people instead of just doing the work and showing honest results.”
That made sense. Especially coming from someone who had built her career on integrity, transparency, and results.
And still, something wasn’t adding up. I said, “The board isn’t questioning your competence. They are questioning their confidence. Not in the numbers – but in their relationship to the story behind the numbers.”
I could feel the shift when that distinction landed with her.
She said, slowly, “So… you’re saying they don’t need more data from me?”
I smiled. “I’m saying they need more you. That’s the part we don’t often name out loud – especially in data-driven cultures. Relationships are just as important as data – maybe more so.
“Under pressure, information doesn’t land on a blank slate. It’s contextual. It lands on identity, history, power, and unspoken fears. And when those circumstances aren’t acknowledged, people dig in.
“What ends up happening is, people…
- Ask sharper questions.
- Scrutinize what’s already working.
- Hold on tighter – not because they’re difficult, but because they don’t feel oriented. It’s you, not so much all the great information you provide, that helps them with that.
“Often leaders call that politics. But what actually helps them meet the need is cultural intelligence.”
What cultural intelligence looks like in the room
Cultural intelligence – compassion for a person within their circumstances – isn’t about avoiding tension. It’s about staying with it and not escalating it.
With Caroline, that meant shifting one small habit in her board conversations.
“When a board member questions the data you shared,” I told her, :don’t lead with:
- Here’s why this makes sense.
- Here’s what the data shows.
- Here’s what we already fixed.
“Instead respond with:
- “What’s the risk you’re worried about, here?”
- “What might I be missing from your vantage point?”
- “What would help you feel more confident moving forward?”
“Those questions don’t weaken leadership. They strengthen it. Because they change the energy in the room from ‘prove it’ to ‘let’s understand this together.’
“It can initially feel risky. You may think you’re giving up control. But what actually happens is the opposite. People soften. Not because everyone agrees. Not because the pressure disappears. But because people feel invited instead of managed.
“And here’s the subtle learning, I told her: “When people feel invited, they don’t have to defend their position as fiercely. That’s when real dialogue begins. Everyone, including you, feels seen.”
Why this matters right now
In fast-moving organizations, it’s tempting to believe that clarity equals speed.
Explain it better.
Say it once.
Move on.
But when people feel uncertain, unseen, or out of alignment, speed backfires. They don’t need more efficiency. They need orientation.
And this isn’t just a “nice-to-have.” One widely cited workplace communication study estimated that poor communication costs U.S. businesses an average of $12,506 per employee per year (Grammarly + The Harris Poll).
Near the end of our conversation, Caroline said something I still think about, “I never wanted to be political because relationships are too important to me,” she said. “I just didn’t have the language for this. I had a wonderful meeting with my Chairwoman. Your grace filled advice was and is so appreciated.”
I smiled, because that’s the moment most leaders arrive at this work.
Cultural intelligence isn’t about playing politics or changing who you are as a leader. It’s about expanding how you lead – especially when the stakes are high and the relationships matter.
That’s not politics. That’s culturally intelligent leadership.
Dr. Amy Narishkin is an executive coach who helps results-oriented leaders build cultural intelligence to strengthen trust, retention, and performance. Connect with her on LinkedIn or learn more at www.EmpoweringPartners.com