The other day Caitlin, a colleague of mine, asked me, “What do you do when a person persistently tries to convert you to their perspective?”

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

Caitlin said, “Every time a branch of my family is around, they’re wearing their MAGA gear. They’re not loud about their opinions, but they’re definitely obvious.”

“That’s tough,” I said. “No matter the political persuasion, it’s tough when someone tries to convince you of something you don’t agree with. It can make you feel invisible.”

Caitlin said, “It really can – it did, in fact. It’s not violent, but it is aggressive.”

I responded, “It is aggressive. Violence and aggression can be loud and fast or, like in this case, quiet and slow. And that slow drip can do real damage — to families, to teams, and to organizations. In fact, Harvard Business Review found that 48% of employees reduce their effort after experiencing incivility, and 38% intentionally decrease the quality of their work. What happens in families shows up at work too.”

Caitlin said, “That’s what’s happening. What can I do or say?”

I said, “You’re right to wonder how to respond. If you remain silent, that indicates agreement and minimizes your own feelings. That hurts a soul. But if you retaliate or react, you’ll potentially lose the relationship, which it sounds like you don’t want.”

Caitlin said, “That’s true. Is there another way?”

I said, “There is a third way to respond. With cultural intelligence – compassion for a person within their unique context – you can create a situation where you both feel valued and heard. Creating a win-win is a nonviolent, non-aggressive way that can include de-escalation and even assertive communication. It helps people build working relationships. One practical tool is using the phrase:

👉 “I feel ____ when you ____ because ____. I’d appreciate if ____.”

“You might say: ‘I feel hurt when you wear MAGA clothes around me because it feels like you’re sending me the message that my opinion doesn’t matter. I’d appreciate if you’d wear nonpolitical clothes when we get together.’ Then drop into silence and see how they respond.

“This approach is not about trying to change a person’s behavior – you can’t control that – but about naming the impact of their actions on you. So often people are so wrapped up in their own world that they don’t realize how their behavior affects other people.”

The business case is clear: Gallup reports disengaged employees cost U.S. companies $1.9 trillion annually. In healthcare especially, disengagement leads to burnout, higher turnover, and compromised patient care. Leaders with higher cultural intelligence are shown to be 3.5x more effective at collaboration across differences.

Caitlin had one more question, “What if they mean to be aggressive?”

“You’ll know if they mean to be aggressive based on how they respond. They’ll either dismiss your feelings or be surprised – or maybe even curious and wanting to learn more. (Or they may dismiss your concern in the moment and circle back with curiosity later.) No matter how they respond, you can know that you’re practicing cultural intelligence because you…

1. Do not participate in any attempt to inadvertently or intentionally diminish or minimize you or them. (This affirms your experience from the inside out which is healing.)
2. Open up the possibility of civil conversation and more genuine connection.
3. Help to create a more compassionate world. (If the nonviolent response isn’t effective in this relationship, it’ll be effective in other relationships, which spreads compassion.)”

“So let me check my impact,” I said to Caitlin. “How does this approach land on you?”

Caitlin summed it up well. “I like how the culturally intelligent response names my pain and invites my family members to think about the impact of their actions on me. It’s a gentle and respectful approach for all of us. I can’t control how they’ll respond, but at the very least I’ll no longer stay silent, which helps me feel more empowered and less like a victim.”

That’s the third way — one that resists silence, avoids retaliation, and instead builds connection. For healthcare leaders, practicing it isn’t just good for relationships. It’s a strategy for engagement, retention, and safe patient care. – Amy Narishkin, PhD

Leader Takeaway: When you respond with cultural intelligence instead of silence or retaliation, you not only protect relationships — you also strengthen engagement, retention, and patient care.

👉 If you’d like support applying these strategies in your leadership, I offer executive coaching for conscientious healthcare leaders who want to build cultures of trust and collaboration. Let’s connect.

Photo credit: luca romano on Unsplash