In an either/or set-up, one person wins and the other loses. That’s a problem because the outcome can never be 100% positive. If anyone loses, both parties lose. They both lose the opportunity to build a relationship. People and families lose connection; organizations lose productivity. So how do we all win? We know we’ve really “won” when compassion and understanding is felt by all; oneself and our colleague, client, friend or family member.

After years of being belittled under a system of Minimization, minorities may hesitate to speak up for fear of retaliation, social isolation or job loss even when a manager asks them to speak up. But when managers slow down and deeply listen, they’ll learn the root cause of distress and how it can be resolved.

To de-center our thinking and get to a place of higher understanding about a candidate, we need to slow down the conversation.

Because, statistically, most leaders in power often lack the self- and system-awareness of their impact on others, they don’t have the skills, vocabulary and practice talking and learning with people who have been historically silenced.

Learn how to help fellow whites see and dismantle systems that marginalize entire groups of people and that stifle retention and promotion of people of color, women and those who are differently-abled.

Whether or not you agree or can even imagine what they have gone through, you can affirm another person’s feelings about their experience. Cultural Intelligence allows us to stand in solidarity with another, communicating you are not alone.

A CEO asked me, “What do my employees and I need to know to hire and retain people who are on the spectrum?” He has a manufacturing company with highly technical jobs that require precision, repetition and care. The CEO’s question gave me the opportunity to...

In organizations with Cultural Intelligence, majorities don’t assume that another person’s experience is just like their own. Rather they assume they don’t know, apply curiosity and work to learn the other’s story and experience.

If we think we know what someone is going to say or do, we’re already near the top of the ladder. Leaders can be aware that embedded assumptions can hinder our ability to connect with people, practices and information and can stifle inquiry.

“I don’t know if I did it right,“ Louisa told me. She said she’d overheard her son calling it the “Chinese virus” to a group of friends. She’d pulled him aside and told him, “We don’t call the disease by its country of origin. It could come off as racist. We refer to...